I forget how to post on here...BUT I need to!

This is a photo of my oldest daugher, Joy, taken a few months ago.

This same daughter who VERY sweetly and sincerely look at me

this evening during bedtime tuck in and said the following

LIFE CHANGING WORDS:

"Mommy, I want to look just like you! Do you think I could

ever look like you momma? I want to be just like my mommy!

Can I momma? Can I look like you? Can I be like you?"

YIKES!!!

First off, I know she is only 4 and she meant it to be a very sweet

moment and show her love. I get that. I get that she, in her loving

four year old heart and mind, really thinks I am beautiful! And

down right amazing! BUT....

She wants to be like me?!?!?!

The me who is OVER 300lbs as I write this post?

The me who cries at least a few times most days because I am so

overweight and in so much pain that basic tasks hurt me to tears?

The me who is out of breath just trying to climb the stairs to tuck

in my children.

The me who fights the fears of so many what ifs...

What if I need to rush to my kids and my fat ole body can't do it..

and I can't rescue them.... (don't give me the endorphin crap either

there is just so fast this much fat can run regardless...trust me..I know!)

What if....my husband is amazing but he cannot raise them alone....

What if ALL my hair falls out because PCOS and hormone imbalances

are WRECKING ME!!!

What if what if what if.....

She can NOT be like this me!!!

She needs to be the me I should be!!

The me I dream of being....

The me I'd be proud and happy to see her be!!!

I heard something else that has been weighing heavily on me as well....

What do I want to be remembered for??????

I don't want to be rememeber for ANY of that junk! It took me a bit to think of things I DO want to be remembered for.... sadly it took me quite some time:

I want to be remembered as a woman of strong faith who NEVER let the enemy walk all over her. Who stood firm in her faith through EVERY storm life brought her way. Who loved her husband the way God ordained and he deserved! Who not only cared for and loved her children but who RAN with them. Who was so full of life and energy that it was contagious and her children caught on and carry it too. Who knew how to balance being a wife/homeschooling momma of 5/housekeeper/small business owner/daughter/sister etc....and STILL kept God first and had time to get and stay healthy!!!

Those are a LOT better....

So....fresh start #7689 here I come...

I will leave a legacy I am proud of!!!!

Another day fightin' the fat! (and how do I post pics that don't all go to the top??)

Being a mom with 4 young kids, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister....is EXHAUSTING! Add to that the JOB of getting fit and I'm sooooo tired! Sincerely, tired! I am forcing myself to TAKE/MAKE time for me and it's really one of the hardest habits to learn. I know full well how to take care of my husband, children, friends, etc. But actually saying "ok, I'm going to go turn on my MP3 player and workout for the hour, please see daddy for help and questions" is VERY hard. I feel like a crappy mom taking time away from everything else just for me. But if I don't I look like this:

The good news is, the more I take/make ME TIME, the better I feel. Overall, not every day. But I have more energy, more passion, more zeal! I have more of life to live and to give! AMAZING! I am teaching my children how to live long healthy lives and to serve God at the same time. I am teaching them that miracles do happen...IE: I am not getting fatter!! LOL

The old me, was teaching them to sit, stuff food, watch tv, avoid a number of public settings, self hatred, how to get heart disease, how to...well you get the picture! I was 318lbs at my highest memorable weight. And being that I am only 5'5...that ain't right! Heck, I'd have to be 7ft tall to come close to making that look good!

A little more about who I am, I fight with fibromyalgia, chronic pain, TMJ, heel spurs and a list of other nonsense that being fat sure didn't help or has caused. My knees are down right angry with me because they've been carrying my stinkin' oversized back side for too many years. My heels think I'm stupid for asking so much of them, my back...oh my oh my I won't even go there.

BUT, it's all getting better! One prayer, one healthy choice at a time and I improve daily!

Do I always feel like I'm improving? uhhhh NO!!! But do I know, deep in my heart, that picking the apple over the french fries will improve my life...Yupper! I sure do! So I press on!

I am far from perfect, I will never have a perfect body or perfectly clean house, BUT I can WILL have peace knowing that I've been trying my best and living to the fullest!!! The rest, is just details!