Binge Eating.....

SUCKS!!!!

A LOT!!!!

THE END!!!

Tomorrow will be better more than just 12hrs!

Yup!!

Fresh Start #731....UGH!

So, I'm ending a 5/6 days binge/junk/salt eating feast! UGH!!

I've been in horrible pain in a stupid tooth I need PULLED! I've had horrible PMS feelings but that doesn't seem to be flowing regardless of the cramps and cravings...not to mention, I take medicine to get it going and it's not working YET!

So, my tooth still hurts and my hormones still need HELP! BUT.... ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

I keep allowing bumps in the road to make me give up all together and that is is NOT how to be successful. DUH!

So, I measured and weighed my breakfast...logged it in and am about to start my big ole Water intake! I will focus today on ONE step at a time! I am going to clean my house and ready it for the week, and maybe, maybe, even plan a few meals for myself and my family. AND maybe....get a good calorie burn in too! So.....here's to a new day!

One step at a time!

(I don't know how to reply to comments on my blog just yet so please know that I am VERY thankful for comments and insight and when I figure out how to tell you personally..I will sure try to!)

Why do I throw out the baby with the bath water? STUPID all or nothing attitude...sucks!

It seems I get going along pretty well with eating and working out and than.. POOF....a bad day!

Bad days can come from countless sources: too little sleep, too much pain (fibromyalgia/tooth issue etc), too much running around to do, PMS etc... but bad days happen....

So, why is it, that once I have ONE bad day I think the whole week is shot!???!!? Yup, I do! I forget all the hardwork the days before and focus on the failure that day. I give up for rest of said week...or month and beat myself up the entire time!

Why do I have such an "all or nothing" crappy attitude???

I know in my head I should just pick up, dust off and get back on track. BUT I don't do it! I allow guilt to send me to eat junk and the fact that I ate junk makes me more depressed so I eat more junk and so on and so on.... what a horrible chain reaction.

The voices that say: "see you'll never get this....don't waste the energy trying" or "you wasted all that time making sure you ate healthy and took time from your kids to exercise and now you're blowing it with that stupid cake...you suck" etc.... I know better...but that voice gets me down every freakin time!

Today, I have HORRIBLE tooth pain, VERY bad cramps (aka PMS I think...it's not been normal in ages), 5 of my kids and 1 extra, a HUGE list of paperwork to get done and mailed, a very busy Saturday which I'd rather was blank and available for couch sitting and rest....UGHHHHH I need to force myself to get a grip when all I want is some pain meds and ice cream....and a NAP!

End rant!

Ok...so....I'm doing well...and you know you're proud! :)

Today was day two in a row of working out! WOOHOOOO

I haven't done two days in a row in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY tooooooo looooong!

I feel great knowing that I did it! I feel great knowing that I am working toward my goals!

I ate well...am finishing my 120+oz of water as I type. And all is well.

But...I am TIRED!

Some randomish thoughts from lately:

As I bust my big ole backside on the elliptical I have found that picturing myself going down a slide with my kids, running all over the playground equipment, chasing them, playing a REAL game of basketball...running and all! Not worrying about the pain in my saddlebag area when I am on a swing...or if the steel chain can hold me! Wearing adorable dresses once again for myself and my husband of course! Feeling confident sitting in chairs with arms! In BOOTHS!

I am excited to have some family Christmas Card photos that I am in this year! :) I may not be at "goal" by that time but I'll sure look better!

These things are keeping me going. I thought I'd write them down for looking back when needed!

Ahhhhh the journey of it all!

Oh and I lost 3.5lbs this week! :)

135.5 to go LOL

Serious?!?!? ENOUGH already!!

There will likely be no fancy font to this post...it will likely be a lot of me venting and thinking out loud..but it's my blog...so here I go!

UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

just ugh!!!

I know I can't give up, even though I want to! I know I can't just keep putting things off! I know that it takes WORK to get unfat! I know that I've eaten enough freaking cookies for a lifetime...and most of them are still stored on my a$$! I know I can do this! I know I should do this! I know it's highly likely my living a long life depends on me doing this! I know my husband and children deserve me doing this! My entire family would breathe a sigh of relief if I did this....

You know what I just realized as I typed that? I don't actually know that I am worth it.. :(
WOW that is freaking sad......(pausing to think)


man.....this sucks!

I know I am supposed to say "I know I am worth it" I've been saying that for years! But the truth of the matter is...I really don't know that I believe that statement. Not in my core.

Don't get me wrong, I know I am important to a LOT of people and most importantly, I know the Love of Christ is for me and I receive it! BUT I've never gotten the hang of loving me...at least not for a solid year in a row...in 32 years!!! :(

I hate so much about being morbidly obese! My a$$ keeps bumping into things! My kids want me to run after them at the park and go down the slide with them! My husband longs for me to be comfortable sexual again. My mom wants to know my health is ok and will be. My grandparents, without realizing it, almost gawk at my size. :( I know all of that stuff....and I hate it! I HATE IT!!!


The end...for now