Seriously need HELP!?!?!? I hate being fat but....

I just can't seem to shake it! I stick with a plan a few days and do great and than POOF....
I fall and fall hard....

Hello binge my old enemy!! Oh you brought sugar with you? GREAT you two are my all time favorites.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


I heard (and was reminded) that we get addicted to sugar like drug addicts get hooked on drugs. WOW that still amazes me! But it does fill a void and give a sort of "high" so it makes sense. And I HATE that is makes sense.

I have PCOS and a list of other freakin issues...my hair is getting thinner daily and I HATE IT! I have just about zero muscle tone left after my 3 back to back babies and I have NO energy.

I HATE IT!!

I know that wisdom, and lots of research, say that I should cut out ALL sugar and lower my carbs and EXERCISE....but I seem to be scared or something.....why?

Am I more scared to actually find the healthy me or scare to lose who I've been for my ENTIRE life? Scared to fail....again?

I should be more scared of dying young, going bald, never having another baby, leaving my babies behind when they need me, heart attacks, etc....but I seem to have a root issue that I've not yet figured out.

So...I wait...and stall and that's STUPID!

My house will be cleaned before monday and ALL UNPACKED and I will be working out! And I WILL get all my water in daily!

I will NOT be so afraid to live that I kill myself with my eating and lazy lifestyle! NOPE!!

Onward....

YIKES TOM is horrible and my weigh in....New GOALS! :)

First the Weigh in....

I lost...hmmmm weight!

LOL I have no idea how much though.

I actually forget...it was 1lb I think!

Which is freaking AMAZING given that I am, well, ya know...

not enjoying this "time of the month" to put it nicely! heehee

And my eating was horrible a few days and great a few others

and I only worked out...hmm I think ONCE!

I am blessed I didn't gain 10 like I would normally.

Onward to my new goals!

It is a pretty exhausting and discouraging task to try to lose:

POUNDS

All too often I get discouraged because my eyes are focused on the BIG picture and not the next step. So...I'm DONE doing that! Yupper...DONE!

I heard a quote recently, the woman was talking about having to walk up a very steep hill EVERY day with her young kids after a long day of working on her feet. She said that when she looked up at how steep that hill was and how much further she had to climb...she felt exhuasted and hopeless about reaching the top...EVERY DAY! BUT she realized that if she looked down and focused on ONLY the NEXT STEP she didn't even realize it was a hill she was climbing and before long...she was at the top! WOOHOOOOOO!!!

So...I am going to work on looking for/at my next steps and not at the mountain I am climbing!

I'm breaking my mountain into 10 pound hills! 15 of them or so! :) (from highest I reckon...the details will be adjusted as the finish draws nearer)

pounds.........15.....times!

I've lost 10lbs so many times in my life I KNOW I can do that! :)

Than I'll just do it a few more times!!!

I am going to update my sidebar as often as I remember (weighty facts) and keep track of my progress a bit differently. As of today: July 26th I am 6lbs into my first 10!

And there ya have it!

Oh yeah..I did it..and it felt GREAT!!!

This is NOT from today but a past workout where, if you look closely cause it's not the best shot and my child took it, you can see the SWEAT marks!! WOOHOOO I think I'll start taking photos of sweat every time!! :) I feel like I've done a good job burning fat when I have buckets of water on myself! :) WOOHOOO!

SO.....I worked out!! Yup...I did! For 65 minutes and my good ole heart rate monitor said 800 calories!! WOOHOOOO!

I felt GRRRRRRRRRRRREEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT!

Ate great...even with PMS starting to rear it's UGLY self!!!!

Onward.... :)

WOW! And...HELP!?!?! I need to EXERCISE!?!?!

I did it!!!

I ate WELL today!

Yup..I did!

And I'm PROUD!!!

Now, just the rest of my life to go! :)

___________________________________________________________________

VENTING/QUESTIONS:

I seem to be afraid to EXERCISE!!! Not at all sure why...... ideas???

Is it because I feel like this lady above when I do???? Or fear I'll always look like her REGARDLESS?

Is it because I know it works? Am I one of those people who is afraid to be FIT and NOT fat??? The fear of the unknown sadly stops so many of us from reaching our dreams...

Is it because I really have NO TIME??? Afterall, I am sitting here typing this blog so how little time do I really have????? Hmmmm...never thought about that before!!?!?! UH OH!!!

I know night time isn't the best time to workout...but isn't it better than not working out? And the stupid fibromyalgia pain/joint pain etc...MAN does that make mornings hard...BUT wouldn't it make them better if I got up and did LIGHT exercise???? GRRRRR

I take care of 7 people ALL day...(counting myself). I homeschool the kids, cook, clean, teach, correct, love, nuture, play, cook, clean etc...most my days start at 7am and end at 1am. YIKES and in there I do NOT sleep well 90% of the time. (my husband doesn't get home from work till after 11:15pm most nights and try as I may...I can't seem to sleep when he's not here) And the kids get up early. There are days when the fibro pain is so bad my hubby lets me sleep in...GOD BLESS HIM!!! But most days...it's UP and at em!

I want to get up at 6 or ever sooner but to do that I have to get to sleep earlier! BUT I'm busy when the kids go to sleep. Grading, cleaning, detoxing from stress...and if I workout late...I can't get to sleep at night...ohhh and there is the baby...she's just starting to fuss to eat. Which is NEVER the same time every evening....

::::BIG SIGH:::::

I will do this!!!!

The end....

Weigh in and more before photos...

Weigh In: -3lbs

Wonder how many times I've lost that 3lbs?

Oh well...it's gone again and I pray

it NEVER comes back!

A huge motivating photo!

(no pun intended)

That's my butt yesterday at the playground....YIKES!

I hate that I can't, YET, go down slides with my kids...so got the idea to have my wonderful husband take this embarrassing photo so I could see what I'm up against! So...that photo, is indeed, my butt, backed up to the top of the slide I didn't (but WILL) go down yesterday.

I have a few more photos but I can't get them to load properly to this page so I am going to try to add them to my page (labeled on top of this) that has my photos. IF I can figure it out.

Horrible fibromyalgia pain day today....OUCH!!!!!!!! My husband called in so he can help with the kids and I can RECOVER..and pray it's better tomorrow!

Eating has been great today...water a bit low...will work on that!

Off to try to load photos...

:( UGH I sooo hate morbid obese nonsense!!!

THIS is 100 pounds of FAT

This is what I have ALL over my body...

x 1.5

Yup....

I could safely lose 150lbs and be a great weight.

WHAT????!?!?!?!?!?

Each one of those HUGE pigs weighs 150ish pounds!!

I am almost TWO of them!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!

I could safely lose almost 17 GALLONS of MILK!!!

(each weighing 9lbs last I knew)

How did I get like this and why the heck does it continue????

I hate that cycle! I'm depressed that I'm fat so...

I eat....getting FATTER...

which makes me more depressed that I'm fat so....

I eat...

SEE???? It's soooo horrible!

What slow depressing public death!

What a horrible loud screaming voice without words saying:

"I have NO idea how to use self control"

"I like food better than running with my kids"

"I'm LAZY"

I have issues!!!

My kids have been increasingly sad by my lack of ability to play on playground equipment. They don't outright say it, but their sad eyes do. The way my oldest child knows not to even ask mommy to go down the slide with him. :(

The other day, my self conscience fears stopped me from getting in a small family pool at my moms with JUST my family. I watched, while holding my baby who was my excuse at the time to not join in, and my eyes filled with tears...I want to do that!!!!!! I want to hop in the pool, without fearing anybody seeing me. I want to play with my kids in the water and feel comfortable! I want to share those moments of joy with them. Help them beat fear and learn to swim without being on the sidelines... :(

But I can't seem to stick with ANYTHING...and I know that my life pretty much depends on it.

I know......

So I cry.....

Binge Eating.....

SUCKS!!!!

A LOT!!!!

THE END!!!

Tomorrow will be better more than just 12hrs!

Yup!!

Fresh Start #731....UGH!

So, I'm ending a 5/6 days binge/junk/salt eating feast! UGH!!

I've been in horrible pain in a stupid tooth I need PULLED! I've had horrible PMS feelings but that doesn't seem to be flowing regardless of the cramps and cravings...not to mention, I take medicine to get it going and it's not working YET!

So, my tooth still hurts and my hormones still need HELP! BUT.... ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

I keep allowing bumps in the road to make me give up all together and that is is NOT how to be successful. DUH!

So, I measured and weighed my breakfast...logged it in and am about to start my big ole Water intake! I will focus today on ONE step at a time! I am going to clean my house and ready it for the week, and maybe, maybe, even plan a few meals for myself and my family. AND maybe....get a good calorie burn in too! So.....here's to a new day!

One step at a time!

(I don't know how to reply to comments on my blog just yet so please know that I am VERY thankful for comments and insight and when I figure out how to tell you personally..I will sure try to!)

Why do I throw out the baby with the bath water? STUPID all or nothing attitude...sucks!

It seems I get going along pretty well with eating and working out and than.. POOF....a bad day!

Bad days can come from countless sources: too little sleep, too much pain (fibromyalgia/tooth issue etc), too much running around to do, PMS etc... but bad days happen....

So, why is it, that once I have ONE bad day I think the whole week is shot!???!!? Yup, I do! I forget all the hardwork the days before and focus on the failure that day. I give up for rest of said week...or month and beat myself up the entire time!

Why do I have such an "all or nothing" crappy attitude???

I know in my head I should just pick up, dust off and get back on track. BUT I don't do it! I allow guilt to send me to eat junk and the fact that I ate junk makes me more depressed so I eat more junk and so on and so on.... what a horrible chain reaction.

The voices that say: "see you'll never get this....don't waste the energy trying" or "you wasted all that time making sure you ate healthy and took time from your kids to exercise and now you're blowing it with that stupid cake...you suck" etc.... I know better...but that voice gets me down every freakin time!

Today, I have HORRIBLE tooth pain, VERY bad cramps (aka PMS I think...it's not been normal in ages), 5 of my kids and 1 extra, a HUGE list of paperwork to get done and mailed, a very busy Saturday which I'd rather was blank and available for couch sitting and rest....UGHHHHH I need to force myself to get a grip when all I want is some pain meds and ice cream....and a NAP!

End rant!

Ok...so....I'm doing well...and you know you're proud! :)

Today was day two in a row of working out! WOOHOOOO

I haven't done two days in a row in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY tooooooo looooong!

I feel great knowing that I did it! I feel great knowing that I am working toward my goals!

I ate well...am finishing my 120+oz of water as I type. And all is well.

But...I am TIRED!

Some randomish thoughts from lately:

As I bust my big ole backside on the elliptical I have found that picturing myself going down a slide with my kids, running all over the playground equipment, chasing them, playing a REAL game of basketball...running and all! Not worrying about the pain in my saddlebag area when I am on a swing...or if the steel chain can hold me! Wearing adorable dresses once again for myself and my husband of course! Feeling confident sitting in chairs with arms! In BOOTHS!

I am excited to have some family Christmas Card photos that I am in this year! :) I may not be at "goal" by that time but I'll sure look better!

These things are keeping me going. I thought I'd write them down for looking back when needed!

Ahhhhh the journey of it all!

Oh and I lost 3.5lbs this week! :)

135.5 to go LOL

Serious?!?!? ENOUGH already!!

There will likely be no fancy font to this post...it will likely be a lot of me venting and thinking out loud..but it's my blog...so here I go!

UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

just ugh!!!

I know I can't give up, even though I want to! I know I can't just keep putting things off! I know that it takes WORK to get unfat! I know that I've eaten enough freaking cookies for a lifetime...and most of them are still stored on my a$$! I know I can do this! I know I should do this! I know it's highly likely my living a long life depends on me doing this! I know my husband and children deserve me doing this! My entire family would breathe a sigh of relief if I did this....

You know what I just realized as I typed that? I don't actually know that I am worth it.. :(
WOW that is freaking sad......(pausing to think)


man.....this sucks!

I know I am supposed to say "I know I am worth it" I've been saying that for years! But the truth of the matter is...I really don't know that I believe that statement. Not in my core.

Don't get me wrong, I know I am important to a LOT of people and most importantly, I know the Love of Christ is for me and I receive it! BUT I've never gotten the hang of loving me...at least not for a solid year in a row...in 32 years!!! :(

I hate so much about being morbidly obese! My a$$ keeps bumping into things! My kids want me to run after them at the park and go down the slide with them! My husband longs for me to be comfortable sexual again. My mom wants to know my health is ok and will be. My grandparents, without realizing it, almost gawk at my size. :( I know all of that stuff....and I hate it! I HATE IT!!!


The end...for now

WOW that was not good!

I have had the most intense past month or so. The details are too long too write. We now have custody of my 15yr old sister though. Which is a HUGE answer to a prayer I've been praying for 15yrs! (her mom is an alcoholic and was doing drugs with her and buying her alcohol etc) My sister is also still dealing with court nonsense from turning in the 30yr old guy she was "dating". Etc. She comes from a world 10000X different from the one we create for our kids so it's been interesting. BUT it's amazing! She's doing great and we all love her! Homeschooling a 9th grader with my 3rd grader has been a LOT of added work and taking a LOT of time to get rolling. BUT, again, all worth it!

So I've gained a LOT back in the past month. MAN, it comes on so fast and off so slow! BUT I'm slowly coming out of the fog and getting back on track.

I don't know what plan to follow or how I will make the time to do it but I'm trying to figure that out. And exercise???? What is that??? :) I'm trying to do that again too. The fibro is flaring up and kicking my butt and I have a HORRIBLE cold! A teething 7 month old and a month so busy my head is fighting confusion to keep it straight. BUT....

I am blessed and it will all work out....somehow! :)

Sorry to my 17 readers or so for taking so long away. I'm back....I think! :)

WEIGH IN #12 (OH I am a HAPPY GIRL!!!)And various stuff

Weigh in #12

- 3.5 lbs!!!

WOW!!!

That brings my total to 24.5 lbs gone THIS year!

WOW!

That's 6.5lbs more than my 6month old!

I am quite happy with that! Sure, it's not "biggest loser" style but it's REAL and shows my hardwork, while living a normal life, is paying off! LOVE IT!!!

-24.5lbs and -30 INCHES! So far so good!!!

I am so glad I didn't give up when I gained that half a pound last week! I was so tempted to just forget it! This is seriously a hard thing even though I've been faithful with it 98% of the past 12weeks, it's still not EASY.

Will it ever be?

Will I ever not find myself wanting to sneak bites and snacks? Will I ever see an amazing cake and not feel a strong almost uncontrolable (sometimes uncontrolable) urge to eat it? Will I ever EAT to LIVE and NOT live to eat??? Only time will tell....but I've gotten better at it! Yup, I sure have! :)

I've been following the Daniel Fast for 6days (day 6 is ending as I type) and my o my has it been a change. I feel like I am really learning how to control my eating and my choices while I am doing this so that's a bonus. Sadly, I still feel that when this fast is over, I will still be pulled toward those bad habits that left me MORBIDly obese to begin with. But I am praying and walking this out one day at a time.

If you've had a bad week or a bad weigh in (or 2+bad weeks or weigh ins etc) please know that if I can do this, you can! I am 32 years old and 90% of my life I've eaten GARBAGE and my body showed it! But I am so glad to be going down in clothing sizes, inches, pounds and going up in energy, hope, health etc. That it's worth it.

Do I still want some foods so badly they bring me to tears resisting them, some times. Do I still want to stop by the bakery and treat myself to a comforting muffin or cookie? Sometimes, especially on days like today when my kids (who are amazing and adorable and I love beyond words) were sooooooooo hard to deal with! I'd love a cup of coffee and a big ole brownie!! But in the end, that brownie will NOT help me deal with my kids.

A great quote I've read online for such a thing is "If hunger isn't your problem, than food is not your answer" GREAT!!! Even when it feels like food is the answer. The answer to your stress, worry, fear, tiredness, etc, bad foods will actually make all of that worse! Don't DO IT!

Find some other way to deal, for me, I cry out to Jesus! Drink a hot cup of herbal tea, decaf coffee, read a book, hide in the bathroom a few minutes, youtube an old favorite song, repeat scriptures I've memorized etc. There are ways! You (and I) deserve to be healthy and strong and not die young because we made stupid eating choices.

I, for one, do not want my tombstone to read " Here Lays FatGirl she lived she ate a lot and she died" ummm NO!!! There is so much more to life and I will LIVE IT!

So, woohoooo for my amazing weigh and onward I go!

You coming? :)

Started a 2nd blog about my "Faith Vs. Fat"

I think it's under my profile information :)
I am new so not sure...

it's www.faithvsfat.blogspot.com

This blog will continue to have my stats and info on my weight loss and that one will be the heart of the matter behind the journey :)

Overdo Weigh In results and measurements taken!! :)

Weigh in Results for Week 12 = UP .5 lbs

YUP...I gained! YUCK

BUT:

I know that I didn't gain FAT!

See it's mathmatically not possible...nope it's not! I burned OVER 3800 calories and ate VERY well within my ranges. 3500 calories equal ONE pound so I burned at least one pound and ate within ranges. BUT I did eat a lot of high sodium foods and I hadn't had a bowel movement in days! So..I tracked the +.5 and tried to move on....TRIED!

It seems that somehow the gain and the sugar I allowed myself (within my calorie range) triggered a beast of eating again! UGH! I didn't "binge" the old way but I surely binged! It started slowly and kept on sliding doooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwnnnnnn hill! Friday was Weigh and I ate my normal salty high calorie foods for the week...but it didn't stop there. Saturday I hate HORRIBLY and felt so sick! I don't even really remember much of what I ate. Sad but true! I know I snuck food for the first time in MONTHS! :(

Sneak/secret eating is sooooo bad! It's horrible to know what you're doing is killing you and adding to the fat you're fighting and then do it anyway. I tried very hard to love the big ole donut I was eating the store parking lot before going home. I tried! But know matter what, I knew better!

I was picturing all the time I'd have to spend on my elliptical to burn it off, remembering all the hours of hard work I've put in etc...and I was so sad and heavy hearted but I ate it anyway!!!

Why? I don't really know...but I own it. I did it! And I hate it! But I hadn't done it for months till then and God willing, I won't do it again!

So the good news.... I took my monthly measurements! I checked and over the course of the last month, with ups and downs on the scale, I'm only down 2.5lbs or so. WHAT?!?!? BUT I lost 12.5 INCHES!!! In a month!!! WOOHOOO!!!

12.5 INCHES in one month!!! I'm so happy!

I did further math and it seems I have lost 30 INCHES since January 1st this year! WOW!!!!

What does that mean? That means I will NOT let a seemingly bad week on the scale RUIN my healthy lifestyle! I am likely bulking up my muscles and therefore the scale will look up and down from time to time but I'm SHRINKING!!! The tape measure doesn't lie!!!

So onward I go!!!

I will not be controlled by the SCALE! (I hope!)

Why do I always feel like I'm in a race against a clock in this weight loss journey??? UGH!
So stinkin' annoying! I feel like I don't lose fast enough and that I can't be "DONE already"!?!
Why am I not happy that I've gone down a size or two and that I'm losing inches all the time AND that I have a TON more energy to play with my kids, a healthier heart, a stronger body.... the list of great things goes on...but is it enough?

YES YES YES YES YES It's enough!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe if I scream it on a blog I'll get it into my head! My heart! My life!!!!!!!!!!

I've spend so many years being ruled by how fat I am and how high the numbers go on the scale and I've missed so much because of it. And I know that age old ANNOYING line "you didn't gain all the weight in a month so you shouldn't expect it to come off that fast" blah blah blah Really? Is that all you've got? Heard it so many times it means NOTHING now! NADA!

What I do know is that I have been on track and active for 11wks now! Week 12 starts on Friday! That's the LONGEST I've stuck with any plan for my health/weight loss EVER! I've gained so much more passion and strength seeing how hardwork, prayer and consistance are changing my body and my life! Even if the number on the scale is slow to move! (maybe I need a new one eh? LOL)

So today, the day before Weigh In, I am promising myself, regardless of how hard it may feel at times, to NOT be ruled by the # on the scale in the morning. To NOT be sad and depressed and feel like somehow by eating healthy and burning OVER 3800 calories by exercising, I've messed up. I've NOT messed up! I've add strength and stamina and lived so much more of life!

I've been fueling my body with great things and it's so much happier! My skin glows! My body hurts less! (fibromyalgia) My kids smile more and so does my husband. We've gone on family walks and have plans to have an entire morning OUTSIDE exercising and playing with our kids this weekend! I have the energy to do it! FINALLY! I will wear my Heart Rate Monitor and log my burn just for kicks! :) My husband has even been exercising a bit more this week. Amazing things are happening!

So, Dear Scale, you do NOT rule me any longer! I am winning at LIFE and you will conform in the end! I am certainly NOT gaining fat so BLAH on you! It's mathmatically impossible! I know exactly what I eat and what I burn and there is NO way I've eaten 3500cal more to gain ANYTHING so blah blah blah. Water retaining due to hormones and eating too much salt...ok. I own that one! Muscle's increasing, own it! But gaining fat...NOPE! :) I know 1000000% I did NOT! So I will move onward toward my goals, living and enjoying life REGARDLESS of what you say. You will LOSE and so will I! :)

The end!

Reward for Weight Loss (photo too) and update etc. :)

This "Fatty" Bought her first Weight Loss REWARD!

See:

Not the best photo of my necklace but it's what I've got at the moment! :)

I've been rocking "my plan" and seeing changes. I am TRYING to not be ruled by the numbers on the scale. TRYING is key there. It's soooo hard! Having been a fat girl for so long I feel as if I am almost defined by the weight I see on the scale. I've been trying to focus on my NSVs (non-scale victories) a lot more!

I started out not being able to squeeze into my 24s at all! I am now comfortable in my 22s AND I can get my 20s up ALL the way...I look forward to the day I can button them! :) And maybe even breathe in them!! MAYBE! Afterall, breathing in smaller pants isn't really important...right? LOL

My husband has been increasingly supportive. Not that he was ever unsupportive but he suffered from the "fear of saying wrong thing to emotional wife and regretting it more than if I say nothing at all" sickness! Example:

Saying "honey, you look like you've really lost some weight!" To Wife Ears "WOW you were so fat and now you've improved a bit" OR

"Sweetie, you look really good today" Equals "you never look this nice, you're normally in PJ's with baby vomit on your shoulder"

The list goes on! God Bless him for putting up with so much eh? He's been loving the curve and firm round feeling of my butt, and especially the look of it in jeans! (did I mention I'm almost back in my 20s??? LOL) He's been very encouraging with all the time I take to workout (1hour a day is my ideal) and he gladly takes care of all FOUR kids while I do it. He lets me buy special only for me foods and never complains. He is amazing! So much easier to do this with his support!

My race to 279 is still on with my Spark Friend Michele as well. :) We'll see!

I'm on week 11 and by the Grace of God I've not binged and had horrible issues with food since that day! AMAZING!

Onward I go....20's here I come!

WEIGH IN and Pictures to help VISUALIZE :)

WEIGH IN #10

I lost 2 POUNDS!!!

Which is 8 Sticks of BUTTER!!!

See:

I'm quite content with that!


It beats getting fatter!

Speaking of getting fatter, I found some photos to show other amounts of fat and O-M-G it's DISGUSTING!!! (to date, since Jan.1st 2010, I've lost 21.5lbs) Wanna see??

Now, as proud and happy as I am that I no longer have THAT on my body, around my heart, squeezing my organs, etc. I still have to lose 100+lbs....see?

GROSS

I'm learning not to dispise small steps that lead to large rewards! I could have weight loss surgery and lose faster BUT I wouldn't be learning so much AND I'd likely have to lose a gall bladder etc. (I am not against WLS but it's not for me right now) I've set aside this year, God willing, to seriously attack the fat on my body with ALL I have in me. Should I fail, which is NOT an option, I will look into surgery. This fat is killing me so I'm kicking it out!

NSV aka "Non-Scale Victories" have been really fun lately!
-My size 24's are all getting way too big!
-ALL my 22's fit GREAT!
-MY 20's are up and should be buttoned in 10lbs or so.
-My wedding rings are now able to get past my knuckle and ALMOST on! (huge goal for me is to wear them by my anniversary in July)
Etc.

So onward I go!

OH OH OH OH

Can't forget to make an annoucement

that I have not only reached my first 20lbs lost

goal this week but blew by it with 21.5 total lost so far!

WOOOOOHOOOOOO!

I'm buying a necklace!

My reward chart (that I made) says so!

Next goal is to beat a buddy to 279 AND

to get my 10% reward! (273.6 I think)

YIPPPEEE!!!!

To GOD be the GLORY! I couldn't do this without HIM!!!

WIDE LOAD and "my plan"

Ok Folks, I'm back! I love this photo (above) because it's my LIFE! Well, my life as a size ZERO but I digress. I am always beyond busy. If there were awards for multi tasker of the year I have no doubt moms would win EVERY time! (oh and to make the above photo more life like you'd have to add 3 more kids under my feet while I'm cooking/cleaning etc.) MAN! The calories I burn! I should be a zero by now! Ohhhhh wait....I EAT too much! DUH!!! :)

Or, at least I USED to eat too much!

I've been on Weight Watchers for about 9wks now. (God only knows how many times I've joined before, seems to always end with me getting pregnant) I have been logging my points on Sparkpeople to see where I fall on daily calorie intake. It's my hope to switch over to that once my prepaid WW time is up. I've been great sticking to the plan and working out. See some stats:

I eat on average 1600 calories a day
I burn about 2700-3000+ calories a week in exercise! (thank you heartrate monitor!)
I sweat like a HOG in the Arizona heat! (I don't live there but I hear it's HOT)
I drink AT least 72oz of water daily. Trying to get back up to 120+oz daily.
I pee a lot!
I take vitamins: cinnamon, 5HTP, One A Day, Fiber, Fish Oil
I PRAY a LOT!
I do NOT give up! (not this time!!!!)

So, that's my plan!

I try to limit the carbs I eat and the sugar as well. I get most my carbs from fruit and whole grains such as Steel Cut Oats! (love em!!!) And I use Stevia and other low GI natural sweeteners 9 times out of 10)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I took some REALLY REAL ROLLY POLLY ICKY FAT PICS! I need them! I need to see what I'm really dealing with and not just the odd messed up strangely unreal image I see in the mirror. Photos have a way of shocking your brain back to real life. Take the one below for example, I knew my big ole butt was HUGE because of the big black and blue spots I get forcing it into most waiting room chairs, or how the chairs STICK TO MY BUTT when I try to get up. OH MY GOSH (I hate that!!!) BUT this photo......




Speaks for itself! WOW!!! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE or what? Dear God HELP ME! (and you will see I highlighted the super annoying elbow fat for you as well!)

I should hold up a small object (or large for that matter) to give you an idea just what you're looking at! (maybe a YARD STICK) OH MY GOSH! EYE opener for sure! (I would like to add, that there is a HUGE ring of sweat from a great workout on this photo though!!!)


Tata for now!

Another day fightin' the fat! (and how do I post pics that don't all go to the top??)

Being a mom with 4 young kids, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister....is EXHAUSTING! Add to that the JOB of getting fit and I'm sooooo tired! Sincerely, tired! I am forcing myself to TAKE/MAKE time for me and it's really one of the hardest habits to learn. I know full well how to take care of my husband, children, friends, etc. But actually saying "ok, I'm going to go turn on my MP3 player and workout for the hour, please see daddy for help and questions" is VERY hard. I feel like a crappy mom taking time away from everything else just for me. But if I don't I look like this:

The good news is, the more I take/make ME TIME, the better I feel. Overall, not every day. But I have more energy, more passion, more zeal! I have more of life to live and to give! AMAZING! I am teaching my children how to live long healthy lives and to serve God at the same time. I am teaching them that miracles do happen...IE: I am not getting fatter!! LOL

The old me, was teaching them to sit, stuff food, watch tv, avoid a number of public settings, self hatred, how to get heart disease, how to...well you get the picture! I was 318lbs at my highest memorable weight. And being that I am only 5'5...that ain't right! Heck, I'd have to be 7ft tall to come close to making that look good!

A little more about who I am, I fight with fibromyalgia, chronic pain, TMJ, heel spurs and a list of other nonsense that being fat sure didn't help or has caused. My knees are down right angry with me because they've been carrying my stinkin' oversized back side for too many years. My heels think I'm stupid for asking so much of them, my back...oh my oh my I won't even go there.

BUT, it's all getting better! One prayer, one healthy choice at a time and I improve daily!

Do I always feel like I'm improving? uhhhh NO!!! But do I know, deep in my heart, that picking the apple over the french fries will improve my life...Yupper! I sure do! So I press on!

I am far from perfect, I will never have a perfect body or perfectly clean house, BUT I can WILL have peace knowing that I've been trying my best and living to the fullest!!! The rest, is just details!

The Beginning!

There are countless fat people just like me who think and feel so much and yet the general public has NO idea!

For example: What fat person do you know who actually likes to hear "oh you've got such a pretty face though" OR equally as annoying "you have such a great personality".

I mean REALLY people??!?! Come ON!

What that translates to in most fat minds (mine included) is "dang! the rest of you is HUGE but at least your face is tolerable" and "you'll forever be everybody's friend and never find love" blah blah blah blah.

Can you people who say those things step back and THINK for one hot minute? What do you mean when you say that? How do you think it's being received? Sincerely? Not out of habit or TRYING to be kind. Think at it from a cold hard fact standpoint.

And STOP saying it! GRRRRRR!

Now, the reason I am starting this blog. Well, I am fat and I have a pretty face! And I am soooooooo DONE with that bologna! I will work and work and pray and pray to get a body that matches or surpasses the pretty face that I have. I will have a nice body to go with my nice personality. I will be healthy and live a long life (God willing). This is my journey!

I will learn how to post photos and be VERY blunt! Maybe to the point of making people vomit by seeing fat rolls on my back or really opening somebody's eyes to the REAL struggle that food addiction is.

That's another thing. Society loves to complain about fat people (strange since most of our population is overweight) and they love to say things like "well they should just eat less and move more" blah blah blah on and on they go. BUT how many people really stop and think long enough to realize that FOOD ADDICTION is a huge problem for so many of us?

Just because drugs and alcohol have more obvious dangers that doesn't, or at least shouldn't, lessen the attention food addiction receives. It is killing fat people left and right and I hear ALL the time how much fat folks cost our nation. Well DUH!!!! It's a problem! It should be treated more seriously!

Not that all fat folks have a true addiction, there are some who are just lazy, some with medical issues to fight against, etc. But many of us, most of us I dare say, are addicted. Whether for comfort or joy or what have you...we run to food when others would run to the bar or drug dealer. It's REAL!

So, join me if you dare as I continue my journey to NO longer be the "fat girl with the pretty face" but to be the healthy, God fearing, engery filled mommy of 4 and wife of 1!

Comments and feedback are always welcome!

Here we go!